Like, wow: Like, crap: Last year I was
But now I'm here: Hope I'm the one
- Fantastic! - I'm sorry: What?
Oh, nothing: Don't let me slow you down: It's just-
- How do you mean? - You have great spirit:
But just a tad more volume,
- I apologize: - Continue:
Like, whoo: Like, whee: I'm at the university:
I'm psyched: I'm here: Hope I'm the one
I yell real loud and make the Stingers super proud:!
Brilliant:!
My dear, you are wonderful- cheer genius personified:
A real individual:
I'm joking, you spaz!
- Pardon me? - That was a cheer?
That was the most boring, unoriginal, biggest piece
You suck!
Mom, where are we? Where are you, dear?
You finally made it: You're in college:
Oh, man!
.. C-Come on.. .. The big game
Hi: Can you guys tell me how to get to Bancroft Hall?
Hi: Can you tell me how to get to-
Hi, girls: Can you guys tell me how to get to Bancroft-
Excuse me!
Hi: It's where some of the cheerleaders are staying:
Um, I'm trying out for the team:
You girls don't cheer, do you?
First of all, it's women, not girls:
Oh: Second, um, we do
We don't wave pom-poms:
And third, we can't direct you
because Nathaniel Bancroft was a slave owner
Okay: Thanks:
Appreciate it:
You're not giving up already, are you?
First day of college, I'm already saving my roommate:
You did not have to save me:
your butt ever since cheerleader camp:
Really? I remember a time:::
a spotter was out of position and one of our cheerleaders:::
was gonna do a face-plant:
Who was that cheerleader again?
I think the score
And::: Bancroft Hall is this way:
Did you know that Nathaniel Bancroft
and an imperialist? Our room has
As well as paint balloons,
super-gluing faculty doors, releasing lab animals:::
and most important, I'd like to remind you:::
that if you must:::
urinate,
please::: do it in a toilet:
Do not- I repeat- Do not urinate:::
on an original manuscript of The Canterbury Tales:::
located in the school library:
You writing this down? You'd think
The Nutcracker is a patriarchal ballet:
Okay? The only good thing in The Nutcracker are the rats,
Shakespeare: Hamlet?
"Euripidie-" Euri- Eur-
Euripides:
Lastly, we hope you take advantage of
here at the university:
Although I must report we've had to cut funding:::
to some of the more non-essential programs:::
on campus such as the martial arts club,
the ballet society:::
and the entire musical theater department:
That's a worthwhile program:!
we haven't had to cut any money from our two prized programs-
the football team::: That's right!
- Yeah! - and::: your seven-time:::
defending collegiate champion Stinger cheerleading squad!
- Yea! - Let's hear it
Tina:! Tina:! Tina:! Tina:!
Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!
Hey, everybody! I'm Tina Hammersmith!
Y'all ready to rock the body electric?
- Ahhh! - Let's get this party started!
Five, six, seven, eight!
Whoo:!
Yeah:! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo:!
Two, three, four-
Stingers in the house! We're on the attack!
- That's right! - Got no extra fat!
We don't eat Big Macs! It's gross!
- Step to us:! You might get smacked:!
We got more game than the man they call Shaq!
The moonwalk! The twist! The shake and bake!
We can do it all right here at State!
Strap yourself in so your mind won't blow!
Sit back, relax and enjoy the show!
What's wrong with you people?
Yeah! Stingers!
This is terrible: What do you mean
- They're perfect: - I know:
They are perfect:
Speaking of perfect: You ever checked out
Whoa! Gross!
Just pay him no mind: No: No: I think
I mean, this- this man has a lot to say:
- I have a lot to say: - He's a unique individual:
- Very unique individual: - With his own thoughts
My own thoughts: My own ideas:
- Who would never make a fool of himself:
make a fool of myself: Even if he was blindly
Even if I was blindly-
Hey, punk: Be watchin' you:
Smart guy:
Thank you: No problem:
Belly ring? No belly ring?
It's a cheerleading tryout: They're going to be looking
not your body jewelry: Oh, I know:
But here's my theory: if they concentrate on my belly,
they won't recognize if I mess up on
Whit, you're not gonna mess up: I've seen your cheer skills:
They're for real:
Maybe for high school, but this is college:
And in college you have to be the poo:
Well, that shaggy boy at orientation sure thought
He was all on you
Him?
You think?
He did smile at me:
Mm-hmm:
But I can't lose my concentration: I've really
I got to work on my cheer moves:
Before we begin, I want you to know that
you're already a winner:
Unless, of course, you get cut: In which case,
technically you're a loser:
So, go for it:
Okay, I'll start with a simple aerial:
I was thinking more of a front handspring,
back handspring, front handspring,
back handspring, back handspring,
front handspring, back handspring-
Okay! Give me an "S-S:" Give me a "T-R:" Err!
That was awesome: So, do you got
- I got something for ya: I got a little shout out:
I got to give a shout out to all my people, baby! Whoo!
I'm flossin'! You can't see me: I got the ice:
It's just blindin' ya! Peace, and I'm out!
Back handspring, front handspring, cartwheel,
Give me an "S-S": Give me a "T-R":
I just screwed up again! Dang it! I can't believe it! No!
Just kill me right now! Bam! Haha! Please?
Front handspring, cartwheel, back handspring,
cartwheel- Ooh:
Ohh, yeah! Oh, my God:
Thanks for coming:
And lastly, Smith, comma, Whittier:
- Okay: So- - Wait:
- What is it? - That thing:
That shiny offensive thing- midsection:
- Oh, that's my belly ring: - Lose it immediately:
Okay: Sorry:
Okay:
Um:
- Okay: Are you ready? - How about, are you ready?
I think so:
Here I go:! Hit it:!
- How's that? - Thank you:
Sheila:
Kenny: Too dorky:
Brenda:
Cindy: Snaggletooth:
Carol-Ann: It's called lotion:
Theo: Too gay!
- Patrick? - Not gay enough:
And finally, Whittier:
- She's okay: - Okay? Marni, she's future
Memo, pink ink, we already have our future
The only difference being,
Yeah, she's cute the way a smushed-up bug is cute:
Oh, and excuse me: Did you see her blond hair?
So fake!
Well, if that's not the pot calling the kettle blond:
Ohh! I was- I was born with dark roots:
Mm-hmm:
Well, anyway, I'd be all over her:
- You know, if she had a schwinger:
Enough:!
You two bitches can catfight all night, but I'm the one
Until I do::: you're dismissed:
Leave me:
Ow!
- No time for rest, cherub: - Dean Sebastian:
I didn't know you were here:
Saw every last peppy pigtail that passed through this place:
Pretty ugly, huh?
Some were hideous:
While others were sublime:
I'm talking about State's next head cheerleader:
Smith, comma, Whittier:
Whittier can't be head cheerleader next year:
She's just a freshman: She's just good
But the head cheerleader spot is reserved for Marni:
Tina! The State cheerleading
seven consecutive national titles,
which over that time has tripled alumni donations:::
and allowed me the life to which I am accustomed:
Just last year, I upgraded:::
from an '88 Jetta to a 2003 Passat:
Wow: I'm not about to throw
over some brown-nosing mediocrity named Marni:
Whittier might have what it takes,
That, dear, is why you must mold her:
Shape her: Twist her like Silly Putty:
If you make her half as great as you are,
the national title will stay here
Remember the school motto-
I can't hear you:
Welcome to the team:
Welcome to the- Oh, uh, this is size four:
Is that gonna be too small for you?
Kidding! Get outta here:
Welcome to the team: Wait!
These are towels: You're very perceptive,
But aren't I on the team?
Of course you're on the team: As a towel girl:
It's an honor:
How is it an honor?
Say there is no towel girl: Say Greg hoists
and there is no one to towel off his sweaty hands:
Tina slips: Tina falls and-and lands
and she spends the rest of her life doing watercolors
Do you want that to happen?
Hmm:
I didn't think so:
Man, these colors are hype!
Even after you're dead in the ground?
Congratulations, my little pumpkins:
You have now joined the best of the best
Here's Marni with some light reading:
Now, study those rule books and wear
People have given their ankles,
ligaments, collarbones:::
in service to those very uniforms you have
'Cause from here on out you must be
You must eat leaner, train meaner,jump higher,
yell louder and out-pep anyone who stands in your way:
You must brush better, floss better, lather,
In other words, you must be better in every
Are you ready for all that?
- Whittier? - Uh: Uh: Uh-
I'm gonna catch you guys later:
Is-
- Is everything okay up there? - Again: Four, five, six,
Is everything okay up there?
Hey, you're the orientation guy!
Yeah, Orientation Guy is my given name:
But, um, it's not my real name: My friends call me Derek:
Well, hi, Derek: I'm Whittier:
Whittier? I like it:
- It's nice: - Thank you:
- You want to do something illegal?
Do you want to do something illegal?
Uhh: Okay:
Really?
What kind of girl are you?
Whoa!
No way: No: You're a cheerleader:
in the air every day: Tina would kill me
Who's Tina? Our head cheerleader:
She's got rules against this kind of thing:
And you've gotta follow the rules:
Well, do you see Tina anywhere around here?
No:
Sorry: Are you okay?
Are we allowed to be in here?
2:00 a:m:'s the only good time to swim:
The rest of the time, I'm working:
Well, I do work-study in the cafeteria:
Part-time in an audio store: Full-time as a student:
And the rest of the time as a mix-master:
What's a mix-master? It's a turn-tablist:
What's a turn-tablist? It's a D:J:
I knew that:
Oh, hey: I'm not into you like that: I-
No, I didn't- I-
Well, then I'm leaving: I'm out:
It's over: Okay: Well, okay-
Why do you work so much? I work so much:::
because my dad wouldn't pay my tuition
And you didn't want to be a doctor, so-
Well, you know what they say about men who work too hard:
They become tired, boring:::
and in the process they lose all their spontaneity:
Derek, are you tired?
No: You're boring!
You are boring:
Boring, my ass!
Whoo!
God, you look great under water:
Well, did I tell you I'm a cheerleader?
Yeah: I think we covered that:
Did we talk about your 10,000 part-time jobs?
Yeah: I think a while back:
Oh:
Well, was there anything else that we needed to cover?
Well, there was:::
one thing I wanted to-
I gotta go: Wait, wait, wait:
Don't you want to stay and,
you know, swim a little more?
I think my roommate might be getting worried about me:
Why would she be worried?
Because,
you're turning me into a criminal:
Whit- Whittier, I could get hypothermia
And five, six, seven, eight!
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight!
One! Girls, put your hands
Suzy, how about suckin' in the arm flab?
Claire, sweetie, two eyebrows
Think I gave you the memo: Oh, my God:! Monica:!
Time for some damage control
For a minute there, I thought I was looking at a Hefty Bag
Greg:! How about the happy cheer face now, huh?
This is my happy cheer face:
That's not a happy smile!
That's a hate smile:
Is it that obvious, bitch?
One, two and::: down:
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, again:!
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, again!
One, two, three, four- You suck so much,
Go:! Faster, faster, faster, faster, faster:!
Come on,you Sasquatch:! Let's go:!
Come on, Monica:! Show me a herkie:! Let's see it:!
Push: Push!
This weight is a car,
and it is pressed on top of your mother!
Lift it off your mom!
Lift it off her!
Too late: She's dead:
What is this, a bowl ofJell-O
Whit, that water is not from the French Alps!
Down for 10- And six and seven
You guys are looking so great today:
I'm just kidding: You look like crap:
All right, Monica and Whittier, get ready
Hey, you wanna do a cradle off the back?
Yeah:
Ready? One, two, three, four:
What the hell was that?
I asked for a simple pop-off!: Was that a simple pop-off?
I'm very curious to know, Monica:
Was that or was that not a pop-off?:
Settle down, Tina: We were giving the routine
a little individuality:
A little flavor? A little individuality?
Missy, you are no longer
All right? You are a very small,
of a very big-ass machine!
And that machine has my name on it:
- We're sorry: - Not good enough, Whittier:
Meet me in my office- 0800:
Is that the address?
She's waiting for you: Come on, this way:
Tina, I'm really sorry about what happened in practice:
Shut the door:
Did you know that, um,
- George W: Bush was a cheerleader in college?
Ronald Reagan was also a cheerleader:
The three greatest presidents of the last 200 years-
- all cheerleaders: - Was Ronald Reagan really
Top 40: My point is this:
From great cheerleaders come even greater leaders:
You may be a great cheerleader, Whittier, but you are not
I know, and I'm really trying hard:
See these portraits on the wall?
A 98-year tradition of cheerleading excellence
Starting back with the remarkable Margaret Whiting
What's she doing? An arabesque:
You can't tell under the hoopskirt:
All the way up to the fantastic Hammersmith dynasty of today:
These are your sisters? Yep:
They're all part of a grand legacy
That last empty frame right there is reserved:::
for the head cheerleader who will take our place-
our next leader: Marni:
It could be Marni:
Or it could be Greg: Whoo:
Or as I've been thinking lately,
- it could be you: - Yeah, right:
- I'm serious, Whittier: - But I completely
I thought you called me in here to kick me off the team:
Oh, I haven't totally ruled that out yet:
I don't know: I just expect more out of you
Certainly more than your friend, Monica:
Monica was just messing around: Wait till game day:
Oh, really? She's gonna be great on game day?
To be a great cheerleader you have to make sacrifices:
And I suggest you start with her:
Do you mean not being friends with her?
'Cause we're roommates: Listen, sweetie:
Being head cheerleader:::
is a privilege you should very much want:
I mean,
students have posters of me on their walls:
They pay hundreds of dollars-
320 to be exact- just to get my number:
They raffle off the right to carry my books to class:
It's so silly:
Foreign exchange students literally:::
beg to do my homework- straight A's:
All this could be yours: You could be the greatest thing
the next me:
- Whoa: - But I don't know:
It's all a question of how bad you really want it:
I mean, for starters, you're gonna have to shine
Literally millions will be watching you:
But most importantly, I will be watching you:
I'm tired now:
Handing out all those towels has made my arms feel like
I'm too tired to point out how dumb that sounds:
Hey, guys:
Hey, Britney Spaz:
Didn't Tina just rip you a new- I can't say what:
Actually- and, ladies, please keep this a secret,
Tina told me that if I work really hard:::
and I play my cards right,
I could become head cheerleader:
- Congratulations, Whittier! - Yeah, that's great!
You're not bummed are you? No: I don't want
I'm just flossin' my moves until I make it as a dancer
I've been meaning to talk to you about that:
Tina made a lot of sense in practice the other day:
There is a big difference between individual dance moves
What?
There's over 680 calories in that: Not to mention
That must've been a real special talk you had
Too bad yourJedi mind tricks couldn't fend off the dark side
Monica, if you want to be the bomb diggity,
you have got to act like the bomb diggity,
and Tina is the bomb diggity!
Did she just say, "bomb diggity" three times
Announcer ] Your halftime score is
No, I'm serious: We're the ones
Pressure? No, girly, you don't know
You see, I got to go out there first:Just me:
Solo: And if these 50,000 people don't
of who I am and what I represent,
you guys are toast!
Aren't you just a big bug? Correction!
of the order hymenoptera, with a deadly venomous
Do you know what that is? Well, I'll tell ya!
It's a deadly stinger, bitch!
Bug!
Stay in the zone, Sammy: You stay in the zone:
Chest out! Ponytail, no:
Sweetie, no double earrings: You're a State cheerleader,
. Go, go, go, Stingers.
. Go-go, go-go-go Uh-oh, the Stingers.
Remember, Whit: Head cheerleader:
What do you mean "head cheerleader"?
I'm the next head cheerleader:
Focus on the performance: I am not gonna focus
Focus! No, I'm not gonna focus!
I don't mean that: Please don't hate me!
Hey, I don't hate you, Marni:
. Sammy.
. Here comes Sammy. Announcer ]
we ask you to turn your attention
Show time: Stinger cheerleaders and their
Yeah! Come on! Let's go!
Let's get it on, Stingers! Number one!
Number one! Yeah!
Announcer ] Ladies and gentlemen,
and your Stinger cheerleaders:!
Let's go, Stingers! Whoa!
Hit it:!
.. Turn the beat back Come on, turn the beat back..
.. Turn the beat back..
.. Come on Turn the beat back..
.. Come on, turn the beat back Turn the beat back..
.. Come on, turn the beat back Come on, turn the beat back
.. Free, free Free-free-free...
Let's go, Stingers!
Stingers!
Let's go, Stingers!
Go back! Go back! Let's see it again!
Go, Stingers!
One more time:
Tina, she's here:
Hey, baby:
Hey, Whittier:!
Hi: Whittier, right?
Jackson: Senior, with the Boxster
I was wondering if- We just saw the video,
"That is the shizzle," and we-
You two, hands off: This is my party,
So, great facial on TV today:
Sticking your tongue out on camera, totally inspired:
You think? G,
Whittier, this is Todd: Starting wide receiver,
3:2 G:P:A:, runs a 4:6 forty:
4:5 forty:
How ya doin'? Uh, good:
And it just doesn't happen: He said he was a good listener:
Would you like an appetizer?
Here:
I'm sorry!
Sorry: Would you like an appetizer?
This is why I go to the trouble ofhosting
So guys like you can mingle with girls
So mingle: Blaine!
Eh, really nice touchdown catch today:
Homeboy didn't want to play the rest of the game:
Got taken off on a stretcher: The quarterback's
I'm like, "Oh, boy, I'm gonna hit you so hard, your mama's
We broke from the huddle- Hi, Whittier:
I'm okay: Thank you:
Then they motioned into a slot: That's when I knew
was gonna do an up-and-under pattern behind the linebacker:
And he's- You know, that's:::
Do you mind if for the next minute:::
we talk about something other than football?
Uh, I'm sorry: It's my bad: I'm sorry:
Thanks:
So, Tina, um,
tells me you're a "C" cup:
Oh, dude, check out the brunette: Sweet!
She was not gonna be head cheerleader: And-
Whoa, whoa, whoa: Check out the blond
Where? Where? The dude right over there:
What do you mean, "dude"?
Hey, you know what? The one
I bet he could leg-press a mule:
Oh, man! What?
Oh, you- You didn't know?
I got nothin' against your kind of people:
It's just football rules: I gotta kick your ass now:
You should know, though, I bench-press 220:
Whatever, dude:
Can we talk? Now? Thank you:
Yo! Dewey!
Okay, let's blow this joint:
Mon, Mon, Mon: Don't go yet:
We cheered on national television:
Blue!
Hey, excuse me: Uh, I'm looking for a girl
She's about yea tall: She's blond, super-cute:
look who it is, smart guy:
Why don't you say something smart, smart guy?
Yeah, okay: How about something foreign
Hey, don't: Chill, big guy:!
God!
Besides, there are some good people here too, and they're
Yeah, they want to celebrate all over us:
Derek!
Hey, Monica: Hi, hottie:
I didn't think you were gonna make it:
How'd you get past the goon squad? Guile, cunning, cowardice:
You, scruffy boy:
Out: This party is exclusivo:
- He's with me: We're together:
This is Derek: He's a D:J:
There are, like, 10,000 hot varsity
and you're snuggling up to a D:J:?
- How edgy: - What's wrong with a D.J:?
Honey, oh: There's a logical order
and the sooner you learn it, the better:
See, way up here at the top of the ladder
Right: They rule:
are basketball players- smaller biceps
Then, soccer hunks, lacrosse studs,
fraternity presidents- ohh- fraternity keg-masters,
guys with cars with parking passes, guys with cars
kind of a waste of time-
Black Student Union activists- Hey!-
lit-mag squares, pep-band dorks, um,
campus ministers, school mascots:::
and then, God, all the way at the bottom:::
are campus D:J:'s:
One spot above cafeteria workers: Actually,
I work at the cafeteria too:
Tsk: That's hopeless:
Listen, Whit: Remember our little "discush"
You have to decide, are you with us:::
or are you with him?
I'm sorry:
Derek, I-
Oh, I get it: Yeah:
- Oops: - But::: I'll call you:!
I can't believe you just did that!
Oh, she did the right thing: She stuck with the winners:
Excuse me? You think you're a winner because
up your bomb diggity butt?
Excuse me?
Whittier!
- Are you coming? - Yeah:
What are you looking at?
What's her problem?
So Doc says if I sprain my hip-flexor one more time,
Hey, you guys:
- Greg, can you help me stretch my hamstrings?
- Look, about the party- - On your feet:
Practice has started:
Today we're gonna work on manners and respect:
Because some of you don't know how to behave
Some of you don't show proper manners
Some of you don't show respect to the concept of team unity:
Oh, good! Monica:
We'll start with you:
Here we go:
Front handspring round-off, back handspring toe touch:
Stop the music!
Is that all you got?
And again!
Round-off back handspring, back tuck:
Music stop!
And again!
Herkie!
Herkie! Herkie! Herkie! Herkie! Herkie! Herkie! Herkie!
Herkie! Herkie! Herkie!
I'm not done yet, Monica! To be a real cheerleader-
- Tina, give it a rest: - Not now, Greg!
I said give it a rest!
Okay: All right:
You're right: I should- I should-
- Whittier, call out the steps:
You heard me: That's what leaders do:
- But Monica- - Call out the steps:
- Call them out! - No!
Listen, freshman: I put you in that uniform, and I can
Call the steps, or you're off the team:
Then I'm off the team: Wh-What?
You heard me: I quit!
I quit too:
That's right: I quit too:
- Greg, you'll lose your cheerleading scholarship:
but under a cloud of shame:
Tina:
You can have this back because it's supposed
It's supposed to make us feel proud,
but I just feel guilty and stupid!
So you can have your skirt and your spankies and your top:
I'm out of here!
I need this to get home: I'll bring it back
Bye, Miss Bomb Diggity:
She'll be back:
She's not coming back!
It's only Whittier:
- Ice cream- Super Fudge Chunk:
Ice cream!
All right! Stupid:
Hey: Hey:
Run:! Run:! All right, take home:!
- Our team sucks! - Whittier, quit worrying
and enjoy the sunshine:
- The sun sucks: - Whittier, don't you know
is nature's Prozac? Do you really think the sun
about giving up the most important thing
No, but I'm out of real Prozac, so you're
I ruined my career as a cheerleader:
I ruined my relationship with Derek:
I ruined my entire life!
Yeah, I feel better:
- Anyone want to hit the library?
This place is starting to weird me out anyway:
Women's softball- I just don't get it:
Whittier-
- It'll be okay: - I know: Thank you:
You'll be fine, girl!
- Trust me: - Come on:
Nicejob:
Batter up:!
Come on, y'all: Let's hear it:
We got Stinger spirit:
Come on, y'all: Let's hear it:
We got Stinger spirit:
Come on, y'all: Let's hear it!
We got Stinger spirit:
Come on, y'all: Let's hear it:
We got Stinger spirit:
Come on,y'all: Let's hear it:
We got Stinger spirit:
Come on, y'all: Let's hear it:
Come on, y'all: Let's hear it!
We got Stinger spirit!
Come on, y'all: Let's hear it!
- What's going on? - We got Stinger spirit!
Come on, y'all: Let's hear it:
We got Stinger spirit: Come on, y'all:
We got Stinger spirit!
Come on,y'all: Let's hear it:
We got Stinger spirit! Come on, y'all:
We got Stinger spirit: Come on, y'all:
We got Stinger spirit:!
Yeah:
Yes!
Number one! Number one!
Let's go, Stingers! Let's go!
Those are my girls! Go, Stingers!
Whoa:! Whoa:!
Monica!
I got it! You got-
You got what? We're gonna start
Oh, shut up: No, no: I'm serious:
Our own squad: New and improved:
Shut up! No: For real!
Are you sure you put the audition time
Yes: Okay, because it was
I put the time on there:
Okay: Well, what color paper
I already told you: Lemon yellow:
You should have used wild berry pink:
Wild berry pink always gets people
Why are you all up in my grille?
Do you see me asking what color markers you used
Black and gold: With glitter?
No: Whit, what is a sign
That is why nobody showed up!
Shh: Shh:
Do you hear that?
Someone's coming:
You ladies ready for my dope?
I don't know what that was: Our new-and-improved squad
Don't give up yet: I mean, maybe we'll find
Where? All the cheerleaders on campus are already
Then I don't know: It's not like we're gonna
just spontaneously shouting out::: cheers:
Yes:!
Justice:!
When do we want it?
And how will we get it?
By standing outside the dean's office-
Sorry, what? I have no idea
Who in the hell are these people?
It's the extracurricular groups-
the ones that lost their practice space when the dean
Justice:! Man, they got jacked:
And how will we get it?
By standing outside the dean's office-
You guys suck:
First of all, I want to thank you guys all for
What's the word I'm looking for? Hi:
Shit-hole? Thanks:
It's the only place that we could find to meet:
Today we're starting a new
Why cheerleading, you say? Because cheerleading is fun:
And it fosters school spirit:
And it also keeps you::: physically fit:
So, what do you guys say? Are you ready to cheer?
Yes?
Most of my pieces involve anguish:::
as a theme:
Do you have any cheers about anguish?
Yeah: Yeah:
Well, we have one that goes like this:
That's all right!
So that one kind of addresses the issue
But other than that, not really:
What about soliloquies?
- Well, we don't really have- - And what about accents?
Because I am the master:::
of accents:
No: See, what we do is cheerleading:
- Then I'm out: - Me too:
No, no, no: Hold on because-
Hold on for one second: Wait, you guys:
Something Whittier forgot-
Something Whittier forgot to tell you all is:::
if we're good, we can go to nationals:
Now, if we go to nationals, we could win:
If we win, we get a check for $20,000:
Now, Penelope, you could use that money:::
to rent rehearsal space:
And, Francis, you could mount up a production of Godspell where
Interesting:
Plus, we're gonna be a real squad too:
On our squad,you're gonna be able to do whatever you want-
And if we're good, we can stamp out the varsity cheerleading
- Where do we sign up? - Right over there:
Oh, yeah:
I've been saving you since cheerleader camp:
I think the score is now Whittier, zero:
Come on, silly:
This is so "ridic:" Do they actually think
They're real cheerleaders in the same way that
We have to crush them:
We have to take their heads and grind them into the mud:::
and then stomp on their backs and then drive over them with
Marni, geez: Take a pill of the chill variety, okay?
We don't need
We cannot have a competing spirit squad on campus, Tina:
Trust me, they won't be
They're nothing but a support group
Besides-
How 'bout that practice space?
And right, left, clap:
Right, clap: Left, clap:
Step left: Step right: A little bit tighter,
Little bit tighter: Stand back, woman:
I need at least a three to five-foot radius-
. When I rock like this
.. When I rock like this When I rock like this
- Roll: Roll: - .. Rock like this
.. When I rock like this When I rock like this
Follow me:
Good: Now try three claps into a high "V: "
- Okay, guys: And five, six, seven, eight:
Grab one, two- Down- Three, four- Up-
Okay, stand up now: Good:
Can you guys just turn around?
Hold your stomach:
- Don't look down: No, no, no:
Catch me!
Okay: This is a basic pyramid:
Matthew, you'll take the wing position here:
- Got it: - Penelope,you're gonna
and start your stunt there, okay?
I can't be an "O:"
You can't be an "O"?
O's represent emptiness:
And by making me an "O, " you're calling me empty:
That's insane: Okay?
Uh, O's don't represent emptiness:
They represent hugs: And X's are kisses:
Everyone knows that:
Up: Up: Lock your legs:
Good: Yes! Tighter:
.. When I rock like this..
Double base extension: Ready? Five, six, seven, eight:
One, two and three, four:
Up:
Goodjob: Bring in the legs: Okay: You got it:
Don't look down: No, no, no, no:
Hey: You know, I think I-
.. Rock like this Rock like this
. When I rock like this rock like this
. Rock like this When I rock like this
.. Rock like this Rock like this
. R-R-R-R-R-R-Rock..
What's up, girl? So what's going on?
What? I said, "What's going-"
Sorry:
.. Sometimes.. What?
.. I wake up early to say good-bye..
Oh, not much: How 'bout you?
Well, we have this new cheerleading squad:
Yeah: So I heard: And we're improving:
We're just missing something:
We don't have any rhythm: You know, no backbeat to help us
But if we had a great D:J:-
Look, I got three jobs, this radio gig,
I know it would mean a lot to Whittier:
Look, she feels really bad about what happened:
- She's looking for a way to reconnect with you:
Hold on: I gotta intro this next tune:
That, my friends, was the bitchin' sound
This next track is dedicated to all the guys out there whose
and devoured for breakfast by cute, peppy, social-climbing
Give me a "Hey:" Give me a "Ho:" Give me a
I know it sucks:
What was your question?
Forget it:
Dear Lord, help us kick almighty ass today
Help us to perform the double back handspring into
as your only son Jesus would:
This is a big sporting event for us:
Guide us in leading this team to victory:
One, two, three!
Come on: Croquet:
Croquet:! Yes:!
Come on! Croquet! Let's go!
Let's go, croquet:! That's right:!
Ready? Okay! Okay!
That's all right:
Come on! Come on!
Croquet! Number one!
Let's go, croquet:!
That's right, croquet:! Let's go:!
Whoo:! Yeah:!
Let's go, croquet:!
Let's go!
Take that ball and hit it: What I say? Now whack it:
Yeah, now that's the ticket: Yeah, that's the ticket:
Croquet! Come on!
Is, uh, all this noise bothering you, pal?
The noise I can take:
It's the suckiness that bothers me:
.. Hit it..
. Hit, hit.
Let's hit it!
Five, six, seven, eight:
. Tell me what we need Stinger pride
. Tell me what we breathe Stinger pride
. Tell me what we bleed Stinger pride
.. Tell me what we need Stinger pride
. Tell me what we breathe Stinger pride
. Tell me what you see Stinger pride
. Tell me what we need Stinger pride
Hell, yeah!
. Stinger pride Stinger pride.
Cola beverage- diet:
Wipe the spittle:
They look foolish: I mean, really:
They have enthusiasm: So do we!
And they have the love of the crowd: Do we?
Don't even think that thought:
I'm just saying: And I'm just saying:::
a person goes against his team, and he could lose his
Let's go: We've got work to do:
Now, Greg:!
That herkie into a cupie just before we spread
That was almost as moving as the helicopter landing
Yeah: I- I know: For a moment there, at the end,
when we won, I experienced an emotion:::
that I can only describe as moderate happiness:
How did you know where we were gonna be?
You told him?
Whittier, zero: Monica, four:
- Thanks: - Your, uh,
squad::: is gonna have a real tough time
when, technically speaking, you don't exist:
Look around:
Who are you?
Shh- It's called a razor,
You don't exist according to a little thing called
of the National Collegiate Cheer Association Bylaws:
Yeah: It states that, um, each university:::
shall be represented by one-and only one-
O- N-E- cheer squad:
- You can't do this to us: - So make like a Tom
This is modern-day imperialism:
Boo freaking hoo:
Uh, you missed something, sweetie:
It does say that only one team from State can go to nationals:
But it doesn't say which team:
That team could be us:
Even if all that is true, it doesn't matter:
- Mm-hmm: - Varsity has been going to
That is not gonna change:
It just might:
Looks like we're at an impasse:
So how 'bout you and I just figure this out
Where did you get that? That does not belong
Ladies, we are not going to settle things this way:
There's only one honest, impartial person on this campus
And while I admire your spunk, Miss Smith, this is a school
- But- - And in this case tradition
I must say, Whittier, there's a lot of good, honest wisdom
- Thank you: - You're welcome:
Sure:
But what about the rules? Nowhere in the bylaws
that it has to be the varsity team that goes to nationals:
- Why can't it be us? - Well, sure:
if you::: squint your eyes just right-
But we're talking about seven consecutive years
I'm not gonna put an end to that:
Miss Hammersmith will go to nationals:
With all due respect, Dean Sebastian,
I don't think that's a decision that will go over well
- How do you mean? - I mean, if you suppress
you will be hearing from us in letters to the board
not to mention the around-the-clock protestors
Okay, okay, okay: We get it:
A competition in front of the whole student body:
Let them decide who's better, your team or mine:
- Girl on girl: - Hmm:
Winner goes to nationals:
Listen, Whit:
We're good friends, right?
And as a good friend, I should caution you that
could embarrass you severely:
It could destroy your already-fragile psyche:
Well, that's a risk I'm willing to take, Tina:
She can't do this, can she?
Actually, Miss Hammersmith, I think it's a splendid idea:
- We'll have a competition: - What?
- Thank you: - We'll have a competition
this coming Saturday: What?
Wait: That's the day after tomorrow:
- If you'll excuse me, ladies, I have a lunch date:
We'll be ready:
This can't be happening: Oh, yes, it can:
You're the one who asked for the competition:
Ready to back out yet?
Are you kidding me? After the way you treated us?
You know I used to look up to you? But that was before
An insecure "tanorexic:"
Listen to me, you hobbit:
After this idiotic competition is over,
you'll be praying you were me:
You'll be finished as a cheerleader
I will knock you so far down you'll be
with your edgy, freak of a boyfriend, putting grapes
Oh, yeah? Mm-hmm:
Don't be all up in my Kool-Aid:
What does that mean?
The Stingers hoops team won their first exhibition contest
And the women's softball squad dropped both games:::
of a doubleheader against State A&M:
And now it's time for the CSC News Eye On Sports:
On location is beat reporter Colleen Lipman:
Thanks, Colleen: The campus is in a frenzy this week,
thanks to the big cheerleading showdown in the field house
Go, go, go, go: Come on, you sissy!
The varsity cheer team has been vigorously
I'm totally not tired: Why are y'all so tired?
And State cheerleading legend, Tina Hammersmith, is confident
This is nothing new to us: We've defeated
intercollegiate competition ever assembled:
This amateur squad is just a speed bump:::
on the way to nationals:
Excusez-moi: One sec:
Let's go! I didn't say stop:
How important is victory
Oh: It's very important: It's very important:
It- It's very important: This is very, very-
I- I cannot tell you how important this is:
It's a- It's pretty- pretty important:
Meanwhile, some people around campus:::
are starting to dub the upstart competition as::: the Renegades:
Head cheerleader, Whittier Smith,
insists her squad is ready to go:
We are definitely going to win:
We've got a great team, we've worked extremely hard and it's
you know, Rocky beat Apollo Creed, right?
Uh, Whit, he lost:
He lost: He lost to Apollo Creed?
To train for the event, the Renegades
cheering for typically under-appreciated teams
the bowling club and the fencing squad:
Stab him: Stab him:
Run the sword through till his blood runs dry:
En garde:!
Well, some people look at an impossible
Others look at the same situation and ask, why not?
For the competition on Saturday,
I'm asking myself why:
Why bother? In a billion years we'll all be obliterated
There you have it, Colleen: Back to you:
Thanks, Colleen:
Seven, eight: One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight:
Yeah:!
You guys, we can't let anybody know we're in here:
Don't leave any of your stuff:
Think we're ready?
Well, no one fell tonight: I'm pretty happy about that:
Um, Whittier, can I talk to you alone?
Yeah: Francis, what's up?
I'm gonna level with you:
I'm getting very nervous about tomorrow: Okay?
And I'm thinking about violating myself tonight:
It's an actor relaxation technique:
What I need to know from you is what does Whittier think?
Is that a bad idea, or-
Well, it really depends: Uh,
would you say violating yourself usually hurts you
Oh, I'd say it's made me the actor that I am today:
Okay: Then I would say hold off:
Will do, chief: Okay:
Well, well, well: If it isn't the blond
Last minute cram session, kiddie kiddos?
Why don't you guys worry about your own team?
Oh: Is that what a real leader would do?
A real leader wouldn't be practicing at midnight, Whit:
You can drill a loser all night long,
and in the morning, you still got a loser:
- Put makeup on a pig- - It's still a pig:
Oink, oink, oink, oink:
You wanna hear our cheer for tomorrow?
We're ready, we're fit, we'll smack you like
Oh-ho: We're tough, we're lean, step to us
Hey, ho,you know: We'll put you on the flo'
Dust off your spankies: Stand up and get some mo':
Don't cry, don't pout, don't have yourself a cow:
You're gonna get whupped: Your mommy can't help you now:
Come on: You can do
I can do better, bitch: Let's go:
- Come on: - Marni, chill:
Marni: No:
Get back here! We are not finished with this:
Hey, hey! Ow: Okay:
- Watch the face: - Okay, girls,
slap and tickle time is over:
Oh: Ow:!
Oh:! Right: There you go:
Ow:
Ow: Ow:
Little, uh, concealer will help that situation there:
Tina!
I'm fine, you guys:
Yeah? Can you hold me up in the air with three
Of course: Ow! Shit!
We should just call Tina and forfeit:
Yeah, you know what: I don't think we have
I guess tomorrow I'll go back to doing Phantom of the Opera
Wait: Hold up, guys: Listen:
Tomorrow we are gonna go into that field house and get
And as sure as I'm standing here right now,
that we might suck:
We might totally suck, but to a real cheerleader:::
it doesn't matter if you win or lose:
It only matters if you try as hard as you can-
if you give it every ounce of
So, what do you say?
Who wants to suck tomorrow?
You know what? If there's one thing
it's sucking:
- I'm in! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa:
Hey: Why suck
Because we're missing Francis: It's gonna be hard:
Well, could you guys use a sub?
You're gonna lose your scholarship:
Yeah, well, whatever I lose in financial aid,
So I'm in:!
Okay: All right:
Come on: Let's go: Twenty-five, 26, 27,
28, 29, 30:
More:
More! Oh! Oh! Give me that!
.. Co- Come on..
How are you feelin'? I feel like I wanna smile:
Good! Hey!
Ow: Ooh: You ready
Bring it!
. I'm feelin' a little nervous A little, little nervous.
. I really have to pee Really, really have to pee..
Check: Check:
Check!
Varsity!
Okay: Here we go:
Here, muskrat! Set!
Don't screw up: Pecs out:
Where's your water bra? I gave it to you!
Did you bleach your teeth? Did you shave? God:
Everybody, find your happy place:
California State College, are you ready for a showdown?
Colleen, we love you:!
First up is your very own varsity cheerleading squad:
No!
Let's go! Go, go, go!
Let's go:! Let's go, Stingers:!
Go, Stingers!
Let's go:!
Varsity:! Varsity:! Varsity:!
Let's go, Stingers: Let's go!
Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!
Tina:! Tina:! Tina:! Tina:! Tina:! Tina:!
Come on, you guys:
Come on, guys: Let's go:!
Let's get this show started:!
Go, Sammy:! Go, Sammy:! Go, Sammy:! Go, Sammy:!
Go, Sammy! Go, Sammy! Go, Sammy!
Go, Sammy:! Go, Sammy:! Go, Sammy:!
.. Let's go..
Tina:! Tina:! Tina:! Tina:!
.. Oh,yeah Here we go..
.. Here we go H- H-H-Here we go..
.. Uhh, uhh Go, go, go, go, go..
.. R-R-R-Raise your hands all up in the air..
.. Raise your hands all up in the air..
.. Raise your hands your hands,your hands..
.. Yeah Yeah,yeah,yeah..
.. Yeah,yeah,yeah,yeah Yeah,yeah,yeah,yeah..
.. Ooh,yeah we know it..
.. We are the best..
.. We, we We, we..
.. The, the, the..
.. Here we go Here we go
Yeah! Yeah!
Tina:! Tina:! Tina:! Tina:!
Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!
Let's go! Number one!
Let's do this:
Next we have a new group:
Please welcome the:::
quote, Renegades, unquote:
Nice outfits:!
Welcome,
ladies and gents of all ages:
Feast you eyes on a "cheergasm"like no man:::
has seen before:
.. Hit it..
Yeah!
Ooh!
.. Get crazy..
. Crazy.
Yeah:! Whoo:!
.. Get crazy The heat is on..
.. Get crazy Crazy, crazy, crazy...
Stingers!
Yeah:! Yeah:! Whoo:!
- Ow: - It's cool: Okay:
Yeah! Come on!
Yeah!
Damn kids:
Come on:
Hi, everyone: I'm Dean Sebastian:
I want to thank both teams for putting on
It reminds me of my student days:
Of course,
the cheers weren't quite as complicated:
Just tell us the winner, will you, please?
- Okay: - Thank you:
The winner, representing Cal State College:::
at the National Cheerleading Championships-
Come on:!
Let's go:! Come on:!
- The Renegades! - Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah!
You are so pathetic!
You're pathetic! I know you wax your butt!
Do you actually think your roots are natural?
You are not born with roots!
I was too!
You did it! I know!
What'd you think?
You're right: You sucked:
Janice: Towel: Immediately!
Marni: I quit: Immediately:
Excuse me:
Oh: Hi:
Uh, I just wanted to say nice job:
Your routine was good:
Inconsistent and a tad pedestrian
Wow: Thanks: I'm not exactly s-
On behalf of the administration and alumni I wanna offer you
the full backing of the college:
You're our new varsity cheerleading squad:
It'll be a thrill to work with the new::: bomb diggity:
Now if you'll excuse me, ladies, I have a lunch date:
So, we might need a sub for nationals:
Really? Wait: Wait:
You and me on the same team?
Of course, you'd have to audition first:
I don't audition:
Hmm: Suit yourself:
But maybe I can come help you out, you know:
I'll have to check my "sched:"
Or not: I never even
It's just, I was thinking Friday we could get some "fro-yo,"
You know, you guys:
Whittier,you have such great hair: I just-
- Marker: - Hmm:
Uh- S- I expect more-
Well, she's a sh- sinking ship:
Let's do that again:
.. You're a real tough cookie with a long history..
.. Ofbreaking little hearts like the one in me..
.. That's okay Let's see how you do it..
.. Put up your dukes Let's get down to it..
.. Hit me with your best shot..
.. Why don't you hit me with your best shot..
.. Hit me with your best shot..
.. Fire away..
.. You come on with a come-on, You don't fight fair..
.. But that's okay See if I care..
.. Knock me down It's all in vain..
.. I get right back on my feet again..
.. Hit me with your best shot..
.. Why don't you hit me with your best shot..
.. Hit me with your best shot..
.. Fire away..
Who can settle this and judge it who's right:
- Oh, yeah? - Yes!
That's a cut: Almost had it:
.. Hit me with your best shot..
.. Why don't you hit me with your best shot..
.. Hit me with your best shot..
.. Fire away..
Give me an "S-S:" Give me a "T-R:" Err!
You know I'm about to
.. Hit me with your best shot..
- .. Fire away.. - Away!
.. Fire away..
Yeah!
.. Fire away.. God, are you
Sorry:
.. Fire away..
And cut!
You just wait till game day: She'll be perfect:
Oh, she's gonna be perfect on
Shh!